Matt Jaku

Goodbye 2025, It’s Been a Year

2025 has been a year. That’s the best way to describe it. Not all bad, not all good. A lot of fun times, a lot of not so fun times. While most of the year was good, I feel like I need to mention the bad as well. Every year has things we love and things we wish didn’t happen. That’s just how life is.

It’s been such a long year it’s hard to remember what exactly happened. One of the first things I remember doing was going to Colorado to ski. I went in early January. It was supposed to be a fun time, but everyone got norovirus and that kind of ruined the trip. We made the best of it, but it was definitely not easy.

What was supposed to be a fun week only got worse upon coming home. My mom informed us that my grandma had passed away. It happened the weekend after we got back. She was my last living grandparent. Thanksgiving and Christmas this year felt so different. I visited her grave not long after with two of my brothers and my sister after we played some pond hockey.

In May, I finally graduated from college. I got a degree in TV and movie production. It took me 15 years, but I finally did it. People like to make fun of me all the time for taking so long. It honestly doesn’t bother me. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. The path I was given was exactly the path I needed to take.

Every concert I went to this year was amazing. Most notably was Linkin Park. I have waited so long to see them play. Chester’s death still hurts to this day. Seeing them play his songs and some new stuff healed my inner child a bit. Emily fits very well into the Linkin Park. While she struggled to sing Chester’s parts, she absolutely killed her parts. I’d go see them again in a heartbeat.

Towards the end of the year, in November, I strained a tendon in my arm playing hockey. That put me on the sidelines for about a month. It’s still not fully healed, but I can at least play hockey again. I’m just not taking any slap-shots until after I go to physical therapy in January. Not playing hockey for a month was awful. I missed playing it so much.

After years of wondering, I was also diagnosed with OCD and ADHD this year. I’ve suspected for a long time that I had them and it was finally confirmed. Does this change who I am? No. But now that I know, I can start getting help to manage it, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few months. Progress has been slow, but there is progress. That’s all anyone can ask for.

With the year coming to a close, the only thing left is to talk about goals for next year. Next year I’m putting me first. I’m tired of doing things for everyone else just to be trash talked later or called lazy. I’m just going to do my thing and that’ll be that. I’ve also been looking for a new job. No luck so far, but something will hit eventually.

I also want to spend more time learning a foreign language. I do my daily Duolingo lesson, but I feel like I could do so much more to help myself learn. I grew up with English and I always thought it was so cool when people could switch between two languages. I want to be that person.

Finally, I want to read 15 books by the end of 2026. As of this post, I’ve read 11 for 2025. My goal was 12. I’m halfway done with a book and if I really get on it I could finish it before the new year. If I don’t finish it, that’s OK too. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could ever read 11 books in a year. I was never much of a reader, but as time has gone on, I’ve developed the desire to read. It’s calming and just a good way to wind down. It also keeps me off my phone which I also want to do more of.

I Swear It’s Not Angry Music

What is your favorite genre of music?

My favorite genre of music is “heavy” metal. I say that because the bands I listen to fall into many sub-genres of metal. Some of the bands I listen to are so much heavier than the others. I wasn’t always into metal music. I only started getting into it when I was in my teens. Before that, I mainly listened to classic rock and country. And, as a surprise to many people, the Backstreet Boys.

The band that got me into metal was Metallica. They’re one of the first heavy bands I remember listening to. Aside from Metallica, I also remember listening to Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory and Meteora), as well as System of a Down. I remember feeling like listening to System of a Down made me a rebellious teenager. I just saw System of a Down live for a second time this summer and they put on an amazing show!

As I got older, my tastes expanded. By the time I reached high school, I was listening to Deathstars, Cradle of Filth, and Marilyn Manson. I remember making a mix CD to play in my CD player on the way to school (yes I’m old). Deathstars and Cradle of Filth were also my introduction to screaming vocals. Cradle of Filth is still active, but it’s been some time since Deathstars has put out an album. I’ll occasionally listen to both, but not as much as I once used to.

From there everything is a blur. I got into more bands. Some heavy others not. My first ever concert was Volbeat, Lacuna Coil, Motorhead, and Megadeth. I don’t remember what year that was, but it was an awesome show. I saw them at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago, IL. I’ve since seen Nightwish there as well as Epica and Sabaton.

For a long time, Iron Maiden had been my favorite band. I’ve seen them live 3 times so far. As time went on, Sabaton took the number 1 spot. I’ve also seen Sabaton 3 times. Currently, I think the number 1 spot belongs to Lorna Shore. I’ve seen them twice, once as a headliner, but they are all such talented individuals.

Funny thing with Lorna Shore, I could never listen to deathcore. I felt like my head would explode. My actual introduction to Lorna Shore was on TikTok. I had come across the final breakdown in “To the Hellfire” and thought it was from a Call of Duty zombies video. I was so completely wrong. Even after hearing that, I didn’t listen to them.

It wasn’t until Pain Remains that I gave them a legitimate chance. Pain Remains changed everything for me. I thought Pain Remains was as good as it would get for Lorna Shore and deathcore. Then they released a new album this year called I Feel The Everblack Festering Within Me. It’s just as good, if not better than Pain Remains. Lorna Shore has written several songs that just hit you right in the feels. They’re relatable and that’s why I love them so much. Their music speaks directly to me in a way no band has ever been able to do before.

I often say silly things like “I listen to angry music because it makes me happy.” Or my other favorite thing to say at work is “They scream in my ear so I don’t scream out loud.” It’s dumb, but it’s also true. Some things can’t be sung. They have to be screamed. And when I hear that screaming in my ear, everything feels OK. It’s the calm I need in a sea of chaos. The heavy music and screaming keeps me calm in stressful situations. And that’s something I’ll forever be grateful for.

Reflections on High School: What I Learned

Describe something you learned in high school.

My four years in high school were some of my least favorite years. I know for some people, it’s the greatest time ever. Well, I never had that feeling. I wasn’t popular or well liked. But now that I’ve been out of high school for about 15 years, I feel like I can look back on it and really talk about it. I don’t regret who I was then or who I am now. The things that happened then, helped shape me into who I am today.

My freshman year was, and always will be my favorite year of high school. The school I went to felt like home. I felt like I belonged there. My older brother spent all four years of high school there, too. I was familiar with it, and going somewhere else just wasn’t an option. Then they closed the school down at the end of my freshman year.

It crushed me, and to make a long story short, I eventually decided to go to a high school in the suburbs. Was it a good decision? No. Was it a bad decision? Also, no. It was a decision I made and then had to live with.

Some of those people were nice to me. Some of those people were not so nice to me. And some of them didn’t care about me either way. Personally, I never felt like I fit in anywhere while I was there. I played golf and baseball, and I had also joined the chess club, but I always felt like I was on the outside looking in.

I’m pretty sure my sophomore and junior year I ate lunch with just one other person. We were the “weird” ones. My senior year, I ate lunch with a few other people, mostly the “nerds.” I was OK with that because I was, and still am kind of a nerd.

During my junior year, another school closed down. A bunch of those kids came to where I was going. A lot of them were devastated, and I knew how they felt. I was one of the only ones who did. But what that also brought over was a whole new era of trouble.

I feel like I flew under the radar most of high school. I didn’t cause any problems. I tried to avoid drama. I did play sports, but I wasn’t a top athlete. My senior year was different. It’s like I got noticed all of a sudden. And once I got noticed, I was an easy target.

I was bullied quite a bit my senior year. I never said anything about it because I didn’t see the point. I knew I just had to finish my senior year and then I’d never have to see those people again. To this day I’ve only seen a handful of the people from my senior class, mostly by chance and not because I wanted to. The ones who treated me well will be greeted with respect. The others? I’m not sure. I guess we’ll see if I ever cross that bridge.

So, what did I learn from high school?

I learned that just because you’re popular in high school, it doesn’t mean anything. Sure people want to be like you, and they always want to be around you. But once you leave, no one cares.

I learned that even if you feel alone, you aren’t. There’s always someone else to talk to or hang around. There are more people like you than you think.

I learned that bullies prey on the weak. They always go after those smaller and weaker than them. They abuse others to feel like their lives are better than they are. Bullies are the weakest people.

I learned that a few years after high school you’re mostly forgotten. I was on the baseball team that went to State. We didn’t win State, but I could walk back into the school today and no one would know who I am. They wouldn’t care either.

I learned that being true to who you are is more important than anything else. Never give into peer pressure if it feels wrong. I avoided high school drinking and parties and I don’t regret it for a second.

I know my high school experience isn’t a one size fits all. Everyone experiences different things and situations. I truly did love my freshman year of high school. I was excited to be there. I was treated well. I felt like I belonged. After that, everything changed. But in a way, I’m kind of glad it happened. Without it, I don’t think I’d be the person I am today.

10 Years From Now…

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

It’s hard to imagine where we will be any amount of time from now. So much can change between now and then. Some things we can control, others maybe not. All we can do is make the best of what we’re given, when we’re given it.

To explain where I want to be in 10 years, I should first explain where I am now. I’m almost 34 years old, I work at an ice rink, and I just got an AAS in motion picture and TV production in May. I’ve been doing ice rink work for the last 14 years. As for the degree, I haven’t found a job yet, but I have been writing and producing a series for YouTube which can be found here. The series is called My Video Journal. I’m very proud of it, and with season 1 coming to an end, I can’t wait to work on season 2.

So in 10 years what do I want to change? Well, for starters, I’d be approaching my mid-40’s. I hope I’m married by then, but who knows (still very single). As much as I love doing ice rink work, I hope to have a job in the film industry. Since I spent 15 years in college and got my degree in video production, getting a job in that field is the ultimate goal.

One idea I had not long ago was the possibility of being a history teacher. I love history, mostly American, but I don’t like teaching. If I was going to teach, I’d want the students to be into what I’m teaching. I know that some will be while others aren’t, but I think it also matters what age level you teach as well.

In any case, my goal for 10 years from now is to be working on movies or TV shows. While I do that, I will always work on stuff for YouTube as long as YouTube exists. Not only that, but anything I do for YouTube is experience I can show potential employers later.

There’s no telling where I’ll be in 10 years. I could be doing the same thing I am now, but I hope not. I am currently working toward a better future for myself one day at a time. The film industry is highly competitive, but I know I can make it there if I try hard enough. That’s the goal. And while I’m not there yet, I’m certain I will be one day.

FIN.

15 years ago, in 2010, I started on a long journey. It was a journey I thought would never end. It came with many ups and downs, and it just seemed to drag on and on for years. What was this journey that I finally finished? College.

It all started when I was 18. I went to a university fresh out of high school, and I had the time of my life. I met some cool people and I was finally on my own. I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. There was no one to tell me otherwise. Unfortunately, being on my own was also my downfall. I screwed around too much, and in doing so, I was put on academic probation. What’s academic probation? It means if my grades were to drop any lower, I’d be kicked out of the university.

The following year, I went to a community college. I took several classes and worked on getting my GPA back up. After that year, I returned to the university only to find that all the work I did was for nothing. My new GPA didn’t transfer over. I stayed at the university for the fall semester, and I lived the college dream for a week in January before I went back home. What’s the college dream? I was at the university, but had no classes to take. My bad grades meant no financial aid. No financial aid meant I couldn’t pay tuition. Since I couldn’t pay tuition, I couldn’t sign up for class. The only option left? Leave the university and go back to community college.

I HATED COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I was mad I had to be there. I was mad at myself for being such a screw up. I let myself and everyone else down because I didn’t do my best. I didn’t take school seriously (up to that point, I never did). I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or what to do. I kept taking classes, but nothing seemed to interest me. I was bored. I was bitter. The only light I found in the dark was when I wrote for the college newspaper. It was something I enjoyed doing and it was fun. Shortly after I started doing that, I had my own radio show at the college.

For about seven years, I HATED the fact that I screwed up my only chance to become something. I finally got away from the disaster of high school only to be brought back home in no better position than before. I had a shot to become something more than just a kid from Chicago. Everyone around me was moving on. What was I doing? Nothing. I was a nobody. I needed direction. I needed to find something interesting. I needed to be shown that I could be something more.

As fate would have it, I got my wish. We moved to a different town and I had to go to a different college. I looked at the new college and found the one thing I felt I’d be interested in. Boy was I right. I started taking classes in TV and movie production, and I never looked back. I finally found what I wanted to do.

Over the last eight years, I’ve been taking classes that cover every aspect of film making. I’ve helped make short films. I’ve made my own short films. I just made my own music video for my final class. Every class, every assignment, every project was something that I never once regretted doing. Everything I’ve done since taking that first motion picture/TV production class has been what I was looking for.

I’ve had people make fun of me for being in college in my 30s. I’ve had people laugh at me for it. But you know what? It doesn’t bother me. Everyone is on a different timeline. I spent so long being angry at myself, regretting what I had done to myself that everything I’ve done for film has made it all worth it.

I don’t regret a second of anything I did. I don’t regret almost getting kicked out of a university because of my own stupidity. I don’t regret taking a bunch of classes I’ve never used or thought of since. I don’t regret going to community college for so long. And I surely don’t regret the student loans I have to pay back either. I messed up my own life and I needed to find my way out of it. Once I did, all that anger and regret I had went away. I was comparing myself to everyone else. The problem is, I’ve never been like everyone else. I’ve always been me. I finally understood that.

Now that I’m finally finished with college, degree and all, what’s next? I don’t know. I want to work on a TV show or movie, but I also love editing videos. My ideal job is to be a writer/director, but I know that’s hard to get into. Not impossible, just really, really hard. I want a job in film production and it doesn’t matter for who. When I’m not working in that field, I’ll be writing and filming my own projects that I’ll post online.

It took me such a long time to get where I am today, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve done some cool things. I’ve learned a lot. I met some awesome people that I’d love to do more projects with in the future as well. Everything I did over the last 15 years has lead me to where I am today. I’m so glad I stuck with it and didn’t give up. Deep down, I think I always knew I’d find something I’d love to do. It just took me a lot longer than I wanted it to.