Tag: blog

Repeating a First Experience

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Not for any particular reason, either. It just popped into my head. There have been a few TV shows and movies I wish I could see again for the first time. Even albums I wish I could hear again for the first time. Things that just hit different when I first experienced them.

What are these things I wish to experience again for the first time? In terms of music, the album Endless Forms Most Beautiful by Nightwish. I have been a fan of Nightwish for years, and that album absolutely blew me away the first time I heard it. To this day, that album holds a special place in my heart as being one of the only albums to truly leave me speechless.

There are three TV shows I wish I could see again for the first time. They are Daredevil, The Punisher, and Vikings. Daredevil and The Punisher were everything I wanted them to be and more. I was so upset when they were canceled, but I have a new hope with Daredevil: Born Again being made by Disney. I also loved every bit of Vikings. It’s true, after Ragnar died, it lost something, but I also feel they did a great job carrying the show on without him. Bjorn was a very worthy successor to Ragnar.

As for the movies I wish I could watch again for the first time? A few circled around in my head. I don’t necessarily want to see the entire movie again, but the Darth Vader hallway scene from Rogue One is something I wish I could see again for the first time. I remember seeing that for the first time and being both excited and terrified at the same time. It was such an amazing feeling.

But the only movie I wish I could see again for the first time is Avengers: Endgame. It had so much buildup and years of waiting behind it. Endgame also had so many special and memorable moments that I’d love to witness again for the first time. It wasn’t a perfect movie, but I really did enjoy watching it. I’ll never forget the giddy feeling I got when I realized that Cap could actually lift the hammer. Nothing but pure joy.

If I Could Change My Past, Would I?

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been wondering about what I would do if I had a time machine and could go back in time. It’s quite an interesting question to give yourself. Would you tell yourself what’s coming? Would you not tell yourself, knowing that what’s coming could be good or bad? Would you go back at all?

I’m 31, and while I’m not exactly old, I’ve lived a bit. I’ve done things I’m proud of, I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve done things I’d love to relive, I’ve done things I’d wish to forget. I’ve had my regrets. I’ve overcome those regrets. I’ve lived my life, and I’ve played it safe.

So, if I had a time machine, would I go back in time? The short answer: yes.

What advice would I give myself? That’s a hard question to answer. I don’t think there’s any one answer to that question. I wouldn’t tell myself everything to come. That would ruin the fun. But if I could say only one thing, it would be this, “While life may be difficult and it might suck, it will always get better. The rough times don’t last, and the good memories will always outweigh the bad.”

I wouldn’t change my past or try to warn myself of what’s to come. The reason I am who I am is because of the life I’ve lived. And as much as I’d like to live a different life, I don’t think I ever could. To live a different life would mean that I’m no longer me. I’d be a variation of me.

I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve done to get here. Life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. As long as we make the best of the time we have, that’s something to be proud of. Nothing will ever be truly perfect, but we can make moments perfect for a short time.

Taking a Long Weekend

The other day I was thinking. Usually nothing good happens when I think. But sometimes, some good comes from me thinking. I just contradicted myself, I know. This time, though, I came up with a pretty good thought.

I am writing this on my tablet from O’Hare Airport. I’m going on a little long weekend trip to Hilton Head in South Carolina. Nothing major. Just a chance to get away for a few days. The funny thing is, I burned up my vacation time by the end of July. But I also feel burned up, myself. The great thing is that, even though I’m full-time at work, I can rearrange my days off in most cases to go and do things. It’s basically flexible full-time.

I got to the airport at about 11:00 am. My flight was at 1:05 pm. Unfortunately, I didn’t make the flight because I’m flying standby and the plane was full. The next flight is about 5 hours later, at 6:10 pm.

But back to the original point, I was doing some thinking and I decided that I need to travel more. Like a lot more. And the best way to do that is to just go on my days off. I usually get 3 days off in a row. What do I do during those 3 days? Play Apex Legends and a whole lot of nothing. I think it’s time to stop playing games and do some exploring.

I’m not getting any younger and I want to explore places while I’m still somewhat young. I can always play games whenever. But there will come a time when I won’t want to get on a plane.

I would like to go to all 50 states. I’ve only been to a handful so far. Which ones? Let’s list them. I’m from Illinois. Then there’s Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Virginia, Kansas, Florida, South Carolina, Georgia, Arizona, Colorado, California, and Hawaii. I’ve been to 15 states, 16 if you want to include the hour I was in Texas for a connecting flight. To be in 15 states at the age of 30 is pretty good. I just feel like I could do better.

I know for a fact that when I go back to Hawaii I’m going to be there for a week. And when I go to Alaska I’ll be there for a week as well. But the United States isn’t the only place I want to travel. I want to travel all over Europe as well as Canada and Asia. I also have to go to Australia at some point.

I know it seems like I’m rambling, and I probably am, but there’s just a lot I want to do. For a long time, I felt confined because of work. I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere because I was worried about making sure I was always there for work. But recently, that’s not the case. I’ll probably work until I can’t anymore, but I only have a limited time to travel while I’m young.

We were put on this planet to enjoy life. We aren’t here for long, and we shouldn’t spend it all working. We should spend it enjoying life, enjoying people, enjoying the things around us. I heard this line in the song called Enlightment? by While She Sleeps the other day. It was “Our mortality is the key to our freedom.” It’s 100% true. We’re all going to die one day, so why can’t we live freely? Why can’t we do the things we want to? What holds us back? Fear? Anxiety? Stress? Maybe all of the above?

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that we should go do the things we want to, because one day, it’ll all be over. I’m going to South Carolina because I want to. I’m also going because I need a break from Illinois. I’ve been here too long. A change in scenery and pace will be nice. My only issue is that when it’s time to come home, I know I won’t want to.

What the F!@# Am I Doing?!: The Beginning

For those that don’t know, somewhere around two or three years ago, I wrote a comedy sketch called What the !@#$ Am I Doing?! It was based off of Arrested Development. It was funny, it had the narrator, and it was just my own version of it. While I like what I did with it, (it can be watched here), I’ve decided that I want to do it again, but better. Over the last three years, I’ve learned a lot about writing and film-making in general and I want to remake it with that knowledge.

I’ve turned that one video into an entire series that will be uploaded to YouTube. As it stands, it will run for three seasons and then be over. Why three seasons? Three seasons seems like a reasonable length for a mini series. So far, I have all of season one written and I plan on filming it this summer. That means I’ll release it some time this fall or winter.

Each episode will probably be five minutes or less. After all, this is a very low budget series. I’ve also written it in a way that allows for it to be low budget. I don’t know if that’s being smart or not, but it’ll work for what I’m doing. One day, I’d love to work on a big time production. I just can’t at this point in time, especially since there’s no guarantee that I’ll even make any money off of this series. But even if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. I’m doing it because I want to.

In terms of how it’s being planned out, season one focuses mostly on comedy. There’s dumb jokes and awkward moments that’ll probably make you cringe. But that’s what it’s supposed to do. I wrote it that way on purpose.

Season two is much different. I started writing it, but it isn’t anywhere near being done. Season two will be much more drama driven with a few jokes here and there. Unless I change my mind while writing it. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did. I let the story go where it wants to.

As for season three? Well, I’m not sure yet. I know how I want the series to end, the trick is getting there and making it feel natural and not forced. And if I have to change the end, then I’ll change the end. I’m not against that at all.

I’ve been working on this series for the last few months and I think it’s a solid idea and I’m really excited about it. I’m sure I’ll run into issues as they arise, but I just want to have some fun and create something that I can watch and share with others. I don’t care if it makes money or not. I just want to see my creations come to life.

I will also post occasional updates on the series as it moves along. I think it’s important to document the process not just for myself, but for others to see how I work. I think doing that would be both fun and helpful later on down the road.

Living in a Post-Covid World

While Covid isn’t technically over with yet, it has slowed down enough for the world to return to somewhat normal. We don’t need masks anymore. We don’t have restrictions on where we can go or what we can do. Life is back to how it was…or is it? With cases on the rise again, we might wind up doing this whole thing all over again.

Looking back on the last two years, all I can think about is how weird it really was. We all essentially lost two years of our lives. It’s like two years just didn’t exist. We couldn’t go anywhere. We couldn’t do anything. Nothing was open. We were confined to our homes.

While Covid did mess a lot up, (like my trip to Germany that’s been put on hold for over two years) it also showed us that there is still good in the worst of times. Because I was required to sit at home when Covid started back in 2020, I met some really awesome people through Twitch and Discord and through playing games like Fortnite and Apex.

But this blog post isn’t about a time during Covid. This is about after it. Basically, my life is back to normal. I’m working full-time. I can go and do whatever I want when I want. I can try to regain some of what was lost over the last two years. I’ve even gone to a few concerts recently.

But going back to normal also comes with a price. I don’t have as much time to play video games. I don’t have as much time to just hang around on Twitch or Discord. And sadly, I don’t really talk to most of those friends I’ve made during the pandemic. Life just got too busy it seems. I do hear from a few every now and then, but we don’t talk like we used to.

The two years we weren’t able to do anything were truly some of the weirdest moments of my life. The world came to a halt and it’s something I never thought I’d see happen. It’ll be interesting to think about Covid times again years from now. How we reacted. What we did. What it was like. It was just such a strange time, and one I won’t forget.