Tag: Chicago

I Am Who I Am

I’ve been reflecting lately. On 2021. On my life. On the things I’ve done and haven’t done. Not in a bad way. More like a reflection of my past to better understand the present and the future.

It’s weird. Because from the time I turned 18 until I was in my late 20s, I sort of struggled with who I was. I didn’t know what career I wanted. I didn’t fully know who I was as a person. I didn’t know if I had any skills that were worth anything. I wasn’t necessarily a mess, it was just a decade of discovery for me.

The weird thing is, once I hit 30, all of that kind of changed. Well, most of it. Ok, only some of it. I discovered who I was in my late 20s. The person I am, my values and traits, that was all locked in. But something kind of funny happened. Something I didn’t expect. I stopped caring.

What do I mean by that? It’s simple. I stopped giving a shit about what other people thought of me. Last year I read a book called The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck. It was a great read and I recommend it to everyone. After reading that book, I was left speechless. I realized that I put way too much effort into things I couldn’t control. About a year later, I finally started taking the advice from the book.

We can’t control everything. We can’t control how people view us. We can’t control what they think of us. We can’t control what they say about us either. But we can control how we react to things. And once I hit 30, I literally decided that people’s opinions of me didn’t matter anymore. If they talk trash about me, that doesn’t matter either. I know who I am and I’m not changing for anyone. I know I can’t control what people say about me, but I can control how I react. And how will I react? I’ll act like I don’t don’t care anymore because I don’t.

Random 2 a.m. Thoughts – Part 1

It’s roughly 2 a.m. and I’m getting ready for bed. I may actually make this an ongoing series where I write about things that cross my mind at before I go to bed for the night.

I just got finished playing Apex Legends with a couple of friends. Tonight’s games weren’t as good as other nights. Everything about my game was off. I would get killed super quick, I couldn’t knock anyone down, I couldn’t hit my shots…it happens though.

I was playing ranked and it was a train wreck. They did a soft reset on ranked so it felt like people that were ranked way above me are now playing in my ranked level. It was NOT fun. I was always getting knocked down before I could even see where the shots were coming from. It takes all the fun out of the game.

The best game of the night was the last one we played. We played in unranked and we placed third. We didn’t get a third player for our trio, so it was essentially 2 vs 3 the whole game. To finish in 3rd that game was pretty impressive.

Sometimes I miss the days of old. Last year at this time the world was vastly different. Covid was in full force. Things were shut down. I wasn’t allowed to go to work because it was shut down. And if I’m being completely honest, as much as I hated being home all the time, I did actually enjoy it. I did whatever I wanted all day, every day. It was a very unique time.

I’m currently working full-time at the same job as before the pandemic. I really do enjoy it. I have excellent healthcare and all of the other benefits that come with being a full-time employee. Technically speaking, this is my first ever full-time job. I’ve worked 40+ hours a week before, but I was classified as part-time.

Since going back to work things have slowly improved. As of this post, things are just about back to normal. We still have to wear masks, but that’s not all that bad. In fact, I feel so weird when I don’t have a mask on. I’ve gotten so used to it, that it feels odd to walk around in public without one.

Friday night I’ll be going to the Cubs game. It’ll actually be my second game in 2021. The first one I went to masks were required and the stadium was at about 25% capacity. When I go Friday, masks aren’t required if you’re fully vaccinated (which I am) and the stadium is at 100% capacity. I am excited to go. I love baseball and I love watching the pros play. There’s just a certain feeling you get from being at the game that you don’t really get from watching on TV.

While the future is still uncertain, it is nice seeing things go back to how they used to be. Businesses running as normal, people being able to hang out, concerts returning. I did miss being able to go anywhere I wanted when I wanted. Being stuck at home made it feel like house arrest. The only places I went was the park and the store. Now, I can go anywhere I want.

This pandemic is something that should be remembered. It was a time of chaos and uncertainty, but we’re going to make it though it. And once we do, we’ll be grateful for all the things we do have. Because it wasn’t that long ago that the entire world shut down and our lives changed forever.