Tag: college

Reflections on High School: What I Learned

Describe something you learned in high school.

My four years in high school were some of my least favorite years. I know for some people, it’s the greatest time ever. Well, I never had that feeling. I wasn’t popular or well liked. But now that I’ve been out of high school for about 15 years, I feel like I can look back on it and really talk about it. I don’t regret who I was then or who I am now. The things that happened then, helped shape me into who I am today.

My freshman year was, and always will be my favorite year of high school. The school I went to felt like home. I felt like I belonged there. My older brother spent all four years of high school there, too. I was familiar with it, and going somewhere else just wasn’t an option. Then they closed the school down at the end of my freshman year.

It crushed me, and to make a long story short, I eventually decided to go to a high school in the suburbs. Was it a good decision? No. Was it a bad decision? Also, no. It was a decision I made and then had to live with.

Some of those people were nice to me. Some of those people were not so nice to me. And some of them didn’t care about me either way. Personally, I never felt like I fit in anywhere while I was there. I played golf and baseball, and I had also joined the chess club, but I always felt like I was on the outside looking in.

I’m pretty sure my sophomore and junior year I ate lunch with just one other person. We were the “weird” ones. My senior year, I ate lunch with a few other people, mostly the “nerds.” I was OK with that because I was, and still am kind of a nerd.

During my junior year, another school closed down. A bunch of those kids came to where I was going. A lot of them were devastated, and I knew how they felt. I was one of the only ones who did. But what that also brought over was a whole new era of trouble.

I feel like I flew under the radar most of high school. I didn’t cause any problems. I tried to avoid drama. I did play sports, but I wasn’t a top athlete. My senior year was different. It’s like I got noticed all of a sudden. And once I got noticed, I was an easy target.

I was bullied quite a bit my senior year. I never said anything about it because I didn’t see the point. I knew I just had to finish my senior year and then I’d never have to see those people again. To this day I’ve only seen a handful of the people from my senior class, mostly by chance and not because I wanted to. The ones who treated me well will be greeted with respect. The others? I’m not sure. I guess we’ll see if I ever cross that bridge.

So, what did I learn from high school?

I learned that just because you’re popular in high school, it doesn’t mean anything. Sure people want to be like you, and they always want to be around you. But once you leave, no one cares.

I learned that even if you feel alone, you aren’t. There’s always someone else to talk to or hang around. There are more people like you than you think.

I learned that bullies prey on the weak. They always go after those smaller and weaker than them. They abuse others to feel like their lives are better than they are. Bullies are the weakest people.

I learned that a few years after high school you’re mostly forgotten. I was on the baseball team that went to State. We didn’t win State, but I could walk back into the school today and no one would know who I am. They wouldn’t care either.

I learned that being true to who you are is more important than anything else. Never give into peer pressure if it feels wrong. I avoided high school drinking and parties and I don’t regret it for a second.

I know my high school experience isn’t a one size fits all. Everyone experiences different things and situations. I truly did love my freshman year of high school. I was excited to be there. I was treated well. I felt like I belonged. After that, everything changed. But in a way, I’m kind of glad it happened. Without it, I don’t think I’d be the person I am today.

FIN.

15 years ago, in 2010, I started on a long journey. It was a journey I thought would never end. It came with many ups and downs, and it just seemed to drag on and on for years. What was this journey that I finally finished? College.

It all started when I was 18. I went to a university fresh out of high school, and I had the time of my life. I met some cool people and I was finally on my own. I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. There was no one to tell me otherwise. Unfortunately, being on my own was also my downfall. I screwed around too much, and in doing so, I was put on academic probation. What’s academic probation? It means if my grades were to drop any lower, I’d be kicked out of the university.

The following year, I went to a community college. I took several classes and worked on getting my GPA back up. After that year, I returned to the university only to find that all the work I did was for nothing. My new GPA didn’t transfer over. I stayed at the university for the fall semester, and I lived the college dream for a week in January before I went back home. What’s the college dream? I was at the university, but had no classes to take. My bad grades meant no financial aid. No financial aid meant I couldn’t pay tuition. Since I couldn’t pay tuition, I couldn’t sign up for class. The only option left? Leave the university and go back to community college.

I HATED COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I was mad I had to be there. I was mad at myself for being such a screw up. I let myself and everyone else down because I didn’t do my best. I didn’t take school seriously (up to that point, I never did). I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or what to do. I kept taking classes, but nothing seemed to interest me. I was bored. I was bitter. The only light I found in the dark was when I wrote for the college newspaper. It was something I enjoyed doing and it was fun. Shortly after I started doing that, I had my own radio show at the college.

For about seven years, I HATED the fact that I screwed up my only chance to become something. I finally got away from the disaster of high school only to be brought back home in no better position than before. I had a shot to become something more than just a kid from Chicago. Everyone around me was moving on. What was I doing? Nothing. I was a nobody. I needed direction. I needed to find something interesting. I needed to be shown that I could be something more.

As fate would have it, I got my wish. We moved to a different town and I had to go to a different college. I looked at the new college and found the one thing I felt I’d be interested in. Boy was I right. I started taking classes in TV and movie production, and I never looked back. I finally found what I wanted to do.

Over the last eight years, I’ve been taking classes that cover every aspect of film making. I’ve helped make short films. I’ve made my own short films. I just made my own music video for my final class. Every class, every assignment, every project was something that I never once regretted doing. Everything I’ve done since taking that first motion picture/TV production class has been what I was looking for.

I’ve had people make fun of me for being in college in my 30s. I’ve had people laugh at me for it. But you know what? It doesn’t bother me. Everyone is on a different timeline. I spent so long being angry at myself, regretting what I had done to myself that everything I’ve done for film has made it all worth it.

I don’t regret a second of anything I did. I don’t regret almost getting kicked out of a university because of my own stupidity. I don’t regret taking a bunch of classes I’ve never used or thought of since. I don’t regret going to community college for so long. And I surely don’t regret the student loans I have to pay back either. I messed up my own life and I needed to find my way out of it. Once I did, all that anger and regret I had went away. I was comparing myself to everyone else. The problem is, I’ve never been like everyone else. I’ve always been me. I finally understood that.

Now that I’m finally finished with college, degree and all, what’s next? I don’t know. I want to work on a TV show or movie, but I also love editing videos. My ideal job is to be a writer/director, but I know that’s hard to get into. Not impossible, just really, really hard. I want a job in film production and it doesn’t matter for who. When I’m not working in that field, I’ll be writing and filming my own projects that I’ll post online.

It took me such a long time to get where I am today, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve done some cool things. I’ve learned a lot. I met some awesome people that I’d love to do more projects with in the future as well. Everything I did over the last 15 years has lead me to where I am today. I’m so glad I stuck with it and didn’t give up. Deep down, I think I always knew I’d find something I’d love to do. It just took me a lot longer than I wanted it to.

I’m Just Exhausted

So, I pride myself in being a content creator. I stream on Twitch, I edit gaming videos for my gaming channel on YouTube, I write short films and comedy sketches, but recently, I just haven’t felt like doing any of that. It’s not that I don’t like doing it, I’m just tired. And things like streaming and editing video have felt more like a job than fun. I already have a full-time job, I don’t need another. Even coming up with and writing two blog posts for March has been a challenge.

My trip to Colorado in January was my last real break. It feels like I’ve been working non-stop since I got back. I was registered for a film production class too, but I dropped it about three weeks ago. I just don’t have the time to dedicate to it. At the end of April, I should be taking a weekend off to go camping. I know for a fact that’ll be fun and relaxing.

Life doesn’t suck, though. Yesterday I went to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago. I always loved going there. They have a new exhibit called The Art of the Brick, where it’s all LEGO sculptures. To be honest, it was both amazing and emotional. Why emotional? I played with LEGO sets since I was a kid. I still buy them sometimes. But to see that someone made a career out of it made me realize that I can still do fun stuff with them too. I can go back and make stop motion LEGO films, something I’ve wanted to do, but haven’t done yet.

Life gets busy. Life gets hectic. Sometimes, we just need a break. That’s why today and tomorrow I plan on not doing much of anything. I just want to sit at home and relax. Being able to not do anything will be just as good as going on vacation. I’ll probably play some video games, watch TV or movies, read comics (I have a bunch of those left to get through). I’m sure this feeling of exhaustion will fade, I just have to power through it.

The Movies That Inspired Me

Over the last 30 years, I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of movies. So many, I can’t even remember them all. But within the last few years, some of them have had a major impact on me personally. These are the films I credit with my decision to pursue a career in film-making.

One of the first movies that influenced me was Logan. To be completely honest, I never got into the X-Men. Never cared for them. Never really understood them. Logan was a movie that forced me to look into the X-Men and what they were. And as a result, Magneto became one of my favorite villains in Marvel.

The way Logan was put together…written, filmed, the acting, it really did inspire me. The storytelling is some of the best I’ve seen. I loved every bit of that movie. To this day, Logan is still one of my Top 10 favorite movies of all-time, maybe even Top 5. I’ll still go back and watch it from time to time too.

The second movie that really influenced me was Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. The first one was great, and it was a nice addition to the MCU. The second one took a more emotional route, and I felt that was the right call. I loved the theme of it, and James Gunn is an absolute genius when it comes to making films that are both funny and heartfelt. While it did have fancy effects and cool sets, it also showed me that movies can be character driven. And when starting out with a low budget, you need characters to carry films.

The third movie I’ll talk about is Inception. While I didn’t understand the movie at first, I came to love it. The first time I saw it, I was very confused. I didn’t understand what was going on at all. Since then, I’ve come to love the movie. I’m super fascinated by the idea of controlling dreams, running missions in other people’s dreams, and just the idea that people got hired to implant ideas in other people’s heads. Inception solidified my love of Christopher Nolan movies, and as a result, he’s become my favorite film director.

If I’m being completely honest, Marvel has had a huge impact on my desire to make movies of my own. Everything they do is just so exciting and fun to watch, and that’s the stuff I want to do one day. I love the stories. I love the characters. And most of all, I love seeing these characters come to life. My ultimate goal is to make a Marvel movie one day. Will it happen? Probably not, but I can dream, can’t I?

I’m forever grateful for the films I’ve seen over the years, especially the ones that truly inspired me to take this path. Being a successful filmmaker is going to be tough, but I also don’t see success in dollar signs. If I make a movie, released it, and a couple of people see it, that’s success. I did what I set out to do. I made a film and released it.

But, as Saito, a character from Inception said, “Don’t you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.” Eventually, I’ll have to take that leap of faith. I’ll have to jump into unknown territory for a chance at something more amazing. If I don’t, I’ll be stuck in the same spot forever. I have so many stories to tell, and I hope that one day, I can share them with the world.

I Am Who I Am

I’ve been reflecting lately. On 2021. On my life. On the things I’ve done and haven’t done. Not in a bad way. More like a reflection of my past to better understand the present and the future.

It’s weird. Because from the time I turned 18 until I was in my late 20s, I sort of struggled with who I was. I didn’t know what career I wanted. I didn’t fully know who I was as a person. I didn’t know if I had any skills that were worth anything. I wasn’t necessarily a mess, it was just a decade of discovery for me.

The weird thing is, once I hit 30, all of that kind of changed. Well, most of it. Ok, only some of it. I discovered who I was in my late 20s. The person I am, my values and traits, that was all locked in. But something kind of funny happened. Something I didn’t expect. I stopped caring.

What do I mean by that? It’s simple. I stopped giving a shit about what other people thought of me. Last year I read a book called The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck. It was a great read and I recommend it to everyone. After reading that book, I was left speechless. I realized that I put way too much effort into things I couldn’t control. About a year later, I finally started taking the advice from the book.

We can’t control everything. We can’t control how people view us. We can’t control what they think of us. We can’t control what they say about us either. But we can control how we react to things. And once I hit 30, I literally decided that people’s opinions of me didn’t matter anymore. If they talk trash about me, that doesn’t matter either. I know who I am and I’m not changing for anyone. I know I can’t control what people say about me, but I can control how I react. And how will I react? I’ll act like I don’t don’t care anymore because I don’t.