Tag: movies

FIN.

15 years ago, in 2010, I started on a long journey. It was a journey I thought would never end. It came with many ups and downs, and it just seemed to drag on and on for years. What was this journey that I finally finished? College.

It all started when I was 18. I went to a university fresh out of high school, and I had the time of my life. I met some cool people and I was finally on my own. I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. There was no one to tell me otherwise. Unfortunately, being on my own was also my downfall. I screwed around too much, and in doing so, I was put on academic probation. What’s academic probation? It means if my grades were to drop any lower, I’d be kicked out of the university.

The following year, I went to a community college. I took several classes and worked on getting my GPA back up. After that year, I returned to the university only to find that all the work I did was for nothing. My new GPA didn’t transfer over. I stayed at the university for the fall semester, and I lived the college dream for a week in January before I went back home. What’s the college dream? I was at the university, but had no classes to take. My bad grades meant no financial aid. No financial aid meant I couldn’t pay tuition. Since I couldn’t pay tuition, I couldn’t sign up for class. The only option left? Leave the university and go back to community college.

I HATED COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I was mad I had to be there. I was mad at myself for being such a screw up. I let myself and everyone else down because I didn’t do my best. I didn’t take school seriously (up to that point, I never did). I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or what to do. I kept taking classes, but nothing seemed to interest me. I was bored. I was bitter. The only light I found in the dark was when I wrote for the college newspaper. It was something I enjoyed doing and it was fun. Shortly after I started doing that, I had my own radio show at the college.

For about seven years, I HATED the fact that I screwed up my only chance to become something. I finally got away from the disaster of high school only to be brought back home in no better position than before. I had a shot to become something more than just a kid from Chicago. Everyone around me was moving on. What was I doing? Nothing. I was a nobody. I needed direction. I needed to find something interesting. I needed to be shown that I could be something more.

As fate would have it, I got my wish. We moved to a different town and I had to go to a different college. I looked at the new college and found the one thing I felt I’d be interested in. Boy was I right. I started taking classes in TV and movie production, and I never looked back. I finally found what I wanted to do.

Over the last eight years, I’ve been taking classes that cover every aspect of film making. I’ve helped make short films. I’ve made my own short films. I just made my own music video for my final class. Every class, every assignment, every project was something that I never once regretted doing. Everything I’ve done since taking that first motion picture/TV production class has been what I was looking for.

I’ve had people make fun of me for being in college in my 30s. I’ve had people laugh at me for it. But you know what? It doesn’t bother me. Everyone is on a different timeline. I spent so long being angry at myself, regretting what I had done to myself that everything I’ve done for film has made it all worth it.

I don’t regret a second of anything I did. I don’t regret almost getting kicked out of a university because of my own stupidity. I don’t regret taking a bunch of classes I’ve never used or thought of since. I don’t regret going to community college for so long. And I surely don’t regret the student loans I have to pay back either. I messed up my own life and I needed to find my way out of it. Once I did, all that anger and regret I had went away. I was comparing myself to everyone else. The problem is, I’ve never been like everyone else. I’ve always been me. I finally understood that.

Now that I’m finally finished with college, degree and all, what’s next? I don’t know. I want to work on a TV show or movie, but I also love editing videos. My ideal job is to be a writer/director, but I know that’s hard to get into. Not impossible, just really, really hard. I want a job in film production and it doesn’t matter for who. When I’m not working in that field, I’ll be writing and filming my own projects that I’ll post online.

It took me such a long time to get where I am today, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve done some cool things. I’ve learned a lot. I met some awesome people that I’d love to do more projects with in the future as well. Everything I did over the last 15 years has lead me to where I am today. I’m so glad I stuck with it and didn’t give up. Deep down, I think I always knew I’d find something I’d love to do. It just took me a lot longer than I wanted it to.

Repeating a First Experience

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Not for any particular reason, either. It just popped into my head. There have been a few TV shows and movies I wish I could see again for the first time. Even albums I wish I could hear again for the first time. Things that just hit different when I first experienced them.

What are these things I wish to experience again for the first time? In terms of music, the album Endless Forms Most Beautiful by Nightwish. I have been a fan of Nightwish for years, and that album absolutely blew me away the first time I heard it. To this day, that album holds a special place in my heart as being one of the only albums to truly leave me speechless.

There are three TV shows I wish I could see again for the first time. They are Daredevil, The Punisher, and Vikings. Daredevil and The Punisher were everything I wanted them to be and more. I was so upset when they were canceled, but I have a new hope with Daredevil: Born Again being made by Disney. I also loved every bit of Vikings. It’s true, after Ragnar died, it lost something, but I also feel they did a great job carrying the show on without him. Bjorn was a very worthy successor to Ragnar.

As for the movies I wish I could watch again for the first time? A few circled around in my head. I don’t necessarily want to see the entire movie again, but the Darth Vader hallway scene from Rogue One is something I wish I could see again for the first time. I remember seeing that for the first time and being both excited and terrified at the same time. It was such an amazing feeling.

But the only movie I wish I could see again for the first time is Avengers: Endgame. It had so much buildup and years of waiting behind it. Endgame also had so many special and memorable moments that I’d love to witness again for the first time. It wasn’t a perfect movie, but I really did enjoy watching it. I’ll never forget the giddy feeling I got when I realized that Cap could actually lift the hammer. Nothing but pure joy.

The Movies That Inspired Me

Over the last 30 years, I’ve seen hundreds and hundreds of movies. So many, I can’t even remember them all. But within the last few years, some of them have had a major impact on me personally. These are the films I credit with my decision to pursue a career in film-making.

One of the first movies that influenced me was Logan. To be completely honest, I never got into the X-Men. Never cared for them. Never really understood them. Logan was a movie that forced me to look into the X-Men and what they were. And as a result, Magneto became one of my favorite villains in Marvel.

The way Logan was put together…written, filmed, the acting, it really did inspire me. The storytelling is some of the best I’ve seen. I loved every bit of that movie. To this day, Logan is still one of my Top 10 favorite movies of all-time, maybe even Top 5. I’ll still go back and watch it from time to time too.

The second movie that really influenced me was Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. The first one was great, and it was a nice addition to the MCU. The second one took a more emotional route, and I felt that was the right call. I loved the theme of it, and James Gunn is an absolute genius when it comes to making films that are both funny and heartfelt. While it did have fancy effects and cool sets, it also showed me that movies can be character driven. And when starting out with a low budget, you need characters to carry films.

The third movie I’ll talk about is Inception. While I didn’t understand the movie at first, I came to love it. The first time I saw it, I was very confused. I didn’t understand what was going on at all. Since then, I’ve come to love the movie. I’m super fascinated by the idea of controlling dreams, running missions in other people’s dreams, and just the idea that people got hired to implant ideas in other people’s heads. Inception solidified my love of Christopher Nolan movies, and as a result, he’s become my favorite film director.

If I’m being completely honest, Marvel has had a huge impact on my desire to make movies of my own. Everything they do is just so exciting and fun to watch, and that’s the stuff I want to do one day. I love the stories. I love the characters. And most of all, I love seeing these characters come to life. My ultimate goal is to make a Marvel movie one day. Will it happen? Probably not, but I can dream, can’t I?

I’m forever grateful for the films I’ve seen over the years, especially the ones that truly inspired me to take this path. Being a successful filmmaker is going to be tough, but I also don’t see success in dollar signs. If I make a movie, released it, and a couple of people see it, that’s success. I did what I set out to do. I made a film and released it.

But, as Saito, a character from Inception said, “Don’t you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.” Eventually, I’ll have to take that leap of faith. I’ll have to jump into unknown territory for a chance at something more amazing. If I don’t, I’ll be stuck in the same spot forever. I have so many stories to tell, and I hope that one day, I can share them with the world.

Creative Struggles

A few weeks ago, I went on a small vacation. I wasn’t able to take a full vacation this year because of work. I was promoted to a full-time employee in May and I don’t get vacation time for at least 6 months. I do only work 4 10 hour days most of the time, so I was able to stack my days off to the end of the week so I could a least spend some time away. After everything with COVID and working a lot, a small break was nice.

I love my job. I really do. It isn’t too difficult and it’s pretty relaxed. Most of the people that come here don’t cause issues. While I do love what I do, I know I don’t want to do it forever. It’s a good job for now, and it’s really the only thing I’ve ever done. But in 10 years, I hope to be doing something else. Something different. I hope to be doing the job I truly want to have.

I want to create stories. I want to tell stories. I want to make movies. All of that is fun and all, but there are times where I hit a creative block. I get to a point in my story where I don’t know where to go next, even after plotting it out. I have some amazing story ideas…ideas that could turn into something. But sometimes I just don’t know where to go with them. And sometimes, I go one way with it and then change it when I go back to edit it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my biggest struggle is linking the beginning to the end while still keeping interest up. It’s so easy to just not care about characters, but I want to make sure that my characters are relatable. I want people to see themselves in my characters. If not that, then I want people to say, “I know someone like that.” Characters are the true stars of my stories. If I don’t have exciting or relatable characters, I feel like I’ve failed in telling my story.

I know I’ll get better at it the more I do it, I just wish I was better at it now. I know these things take time. I just get impatient at times. I think most people are like that in some aspect. They don’t want to spend the time working on a skill. They just want the perfected result. Funny thing is, a lot of times, the journey was way more exciting that just getting to the end.

Sometimes, I do wish I could fast forward. But I also know that if I did, I’d probably regret it. Watching Click taught me that lesson. Being almost 30 reinforced that lesson. As a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up. Well, I grew up and sometimes, I wish I could just be a kid again. It’s been a long journey for me, and I know in the end, it’ll all be worth it.